On Friday I went to visit a friend who has a 2 month old baby. The baby is happy and healthy and has gained 2 kg since birth. He is now 6.5 kg!
At this visit, my friend, who is African, related many of the superstitions and cultural traditions new mothers must follow. She related how stifling these can be and how she is thankful that she doesnt have family who insist on these traditions.
First of all, as soon as the woman is pregnant she must cease all sexual activity with her husband. This will continue up to 6 months after the baby is born. There are various reasons for this but one of the beliefs is that a child will be deformed if the couple continue to have sex while it is in the womb. The second reason is that once the child is born and the mother is breast feeding this can also affect the child's development negatively if the parents resume their sexual relationship.
In the meantime, it is expected that the father should find another woman or other suitable women to visit to satisfy his sexual needs. This is understandable and expected in this culture.
The mother must be totally covered during this time so that she is not exposing any part of herself, even her face. She is not to go out in public in the first 3 months of her child's life and traditionally must not even leave her bedroom. Food is brought to her, she uses a "potty" or equivalent in her room and doesnt lift a finger.
The baby must also be covered in warm clothing and wraps. Although it is very hot here many mothers fear that their babies will catch a cold or something worse so overwrap their babies. At five months the babies hair must be completely shaved. The clipped hair is then added to the navel cord that has fallen off and been kept and it is mixed together with cow manure and thrown away. The grandparents perform the shaving and the disposing of the hair and navel cord in a ceremony.
I a land where AIDS is in epidemic proportions it is such a shame that the marriage relationship is not a place where intimacy and sexual enjoyment is nurtured or encouraged. There are many other taboos in marriage that encourage infidelity.
Please pray for us as we speak on the family and God's perspective on some of these things in a few weeks....We would love to see marriage become a place of love, honour, intimacy, friendship, equality and sexual enjoyment.... this would require a miracle for many, but God is able.
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