Day 4 of our teaching we tackled the subject of Mother-in-Laws.
It seems that the issues in the west are also present in Africa.
We began with a skit showing a typical African scene:
A man comes home from a journey. He is excited to be coming home to see his family again. Before arriving at his house, he is greeted by his mother who lives nearby who takes him into her house to greet him. She gives him Chai, sits him down and asks about his trip.. She notices the gift he has with him (which he purchased for his wife) and assumes it is for herself. She says "What is this?" Oh, thankyou! He doesn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't for her. After this she mentions that he may want to ask his wife how long she took at the market and how much house work she did while he was gone.....
He leaves without the gift for his wife, feeling annoyed at his wife. His wife notices that he has been to his mother's house first and is saddened to see the lovely gift he gave his mother. He enters the house and begins to question her about her chores and what she has done with her time.
This skit is very true to life here in Africa.
We then taught on the scripture: Husbands leave your mother and father and cleave unto your wife...
found 3 times in the bible... OT, Jesus quotes this, and Paul in NT. This makes it important doctrine.
We asked the couples how they could work this scripture out in their culture considering they lived so close to their in laws. See picture above of a typical Tanzanian boma where the extended family live in close proximity. Some of the men said this would not work in Africa.
When we asked them to fix the skit and make it biblical (i.e. putting the wife 1st) one man said he would buy two gifts and then when his mother criticized his wife he would go home and encourage his wife but couldn't say anything to his mother. His culture would not allow him.
We said this didn't really put his wife first publically and even privately she might still feel 2nd. We suggested that there must be some way to stop the mother's criticism without direct confrontation. Another man thought that he would approach his mother and tell her that she didn't really know his wife and how wonderful she was and that he would like to write down a list of her attributes and give the written list to his mother. They all agreed this was a good idea and that this was confronting the issue without cutting across your mother.
Another solution brought forward by an African pastor was that the man in the skit could buy 2 gifts (usually soap) and hide them so that when his mother came to greet him first he could say : "mama, so good to see you, I am going to come and greet you soon but first let me go to my home and greet my family". On arrival at his home, he would tell his wife, I bought 2 gifts, one for you and one for my mother but I would like you to choose the gift you would like first. Then he would give the other gift to his wife to bring to his mother thus strengthening their relationship. All of the Africans liked this example because it was peace making and still put the wife first.
It was a difficult day of wrestling and discussing these biblical truths, so it was all the more precious when there was breakthrough. Many of the wives didn't wish to speak on the subject probably for fear of looking bad, but those who did, said that it was important for their husbands to no longer listen to criticism about them.
Afterwards, as we began to pray, to our surprise a number of the men began to weep loudly. Soon the women joined them. Eventually, one man got up and went to the front of the room where he knelt down still weeping loudly. His wife joined him. Then other men and their wives went to the front and knelt down weeping, It was a loud cacophony of noise and very moving. After a time we began to pray for a new day in their marriages and a new hope and God's cleansing for them. Slowly, they began to sing thru sobs and gulps. It was a sacred moment and one that we will not forget.
Thanks for your prayers.
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